Archives For November 30, 1999

Steamy summer reflection

July 13, 2013

Earlier in the day, Ryan and I slid into bed and shut the door.

The kids were occupied and we were alone together. Finally. We took full advantage of the situation.

Two hours later, I emerged with messy hair hoping the experience was as good for him as it was for me.

WE NAPPED LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMORROW PEOPLE.

I can’t stress enough how good uninterrupted rest felt. I’ve been a gas tank running exclusively on fumes for the past two months.

I wrote about how our boys played in over 100 combined baseball games this summer for momaha.com. First thing’s first – I am not complaining. I had a freaking blast this summer. Luckily, the boys did too. Heck, even their little sister enjoyed the ride for the most part.

Yet, the calendar reminds me they will be back to school in a month. 

We can now return to the pool, go on bike rides, enjoy another movie or two, and read a few good books together. Maybe even set a few goals.

I want my children to know what personal accomplishment feels like when it’s not attached to a medal or any other form of external validation.

Isn’t that one of the best gifts we can bestow on our kids? A sense of inner purpose and confidence?

The sport of baseball, a group of dedicated coaches, and two selfless teams have helped instill these values in my boys this summer.

Allow me to be THAT mom and brag just a bit…

My 11-year old was brought in at the end of arguably one of the biggest games of his team’s season to do something his mom could have never done (not at his age, not now, not ever) – strike out a hitter with the tying run on third base against a powerhouse team. He rose to the occasion and I practically puked.

My 9-year old, who fought to earn a spot in the line-up, was down to one strike in an elimination game of the state tournament. He hit a line drive to the outfield to bring in the tying run and then scored the winning run by beating a throw to home plate. He came through in a pressure situation and I beamed with pride.

As for Ryan and me? We survived.

I don’t know which of these feats is the most remarkable.

The summer of 2013 was a good one. I recognize it now and will remember it for years to come.

A professional photographer recently came to my work and took head shots of some of us.

Rewind nearly 15 years ago and you’ll see a vastly different work photo that a younger me posed for when I was bright and shiny and straight out of college.

The difference in those two pictures is striking.

1999 Heidi

I’m fresh and fluffy as a 20-some year old. Apparently, color photography had not been invented yet in the late 90s.

2013 Heidi

Note to self: I don’t care how early the photo session is scheduled…Do your hair. This mugshot proves it’s possible to look old and like a small boy simultaneously.

My life has changed dramatically as I evolved from a newly married full-time worker with more free time than I knew what to do with into a full-time professional who co-manages the schedules of three incredibly active children, who freelance writes on the side, blogs for fun, and battles with guilt that I’m not fully meeting anyone’s expectations.

The me of 1999 had time to do my hair, wore a nicely tailored suit (likely the only one I owned), and donned a genuinely relaxed smile. Don’t get me wrong…I still looked ridiculous, but the final product took hours upon hours of prep work.

The me of 2013 looks like I’ve given up on sleep, my hair, and my femininity in general. I take every chance I get to talk about my glory years of playing softball back in college. Boy do I look the part in this snapshot.

And don’t misinterpret that last statement as a slam on female athletes. It’s meant to be funny. My former teammates are laughing their butts off right now shaking their heads in agreement because they know I could probably snag a coaching job right now based on that mugshot alone.

The me “then” yearned to make her mark in corporate America. She thought she’d travel to far-away places with her husband. She hung out with her friends and stayed in shape without thinking about it. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to be when she grew up.

The me “now” is focused on cranking out her daily work with no egotistical expectations involved. She chooses sleep over vanity, considers staying at the Holiday Inn a vacation, and apologizes to friends for never having time to hang out. She still has no idea what she wants to be when she grows up.

I fully recognize this is just a busy time in our lives as a family. This beautifully written post reminds me to cherish these years as they will be gone far too soon.

The me “now,” although different than the type of person I thought I would be when I was young and naive, is fabulously frazzled — slicked back pony tail and all.

Some events from my life that have made me stop and reflect recently:

  • My daughter has a dress that she knows is my favorite. I told her I would never give it away. We talked about how someday, if she’s lucky, she might have a daughter who can wear that same dress.
  • My middle child, who has struggled throughout the summer at hitting a baseball, smacked a line drive into right center field to help his team secure a come-from-behind victory. He got to feel what it’s like to rise up to a challenge.
  • A night out with my oldest. I love that he’s turning into a young man who’s interested in sharing his opinions with me…even if they’re the polar opposite of mine.
  • I got to read a handwritten thank you card from one of my son’s teammates to my husband, thanking him for being an awesome coach.
perfect little dress

The perfect little dress.

Created by Heidi Woodard

As my four-year old daughter and I lay in bed one evening, she started in on a litany of endless questions per her normal bedtime routine.

When will get a husband? When will I be a mommy?

I instinctively launched into a series of sensible replies. You don’t need to worry about getting married until you are done with college. After college, you can find a job that you like and then maybe find a husband too. After you are married, you could become a mommy. And then I will be a grandma! (giggles…hers genuine, mine nervous)

A large part of me wanted to preach about not rushing into sharing her life with others. I want her to know what it’s like to get to know and love herself first.

But then I paused and thought about how awesome it is that she really wants to be a mom someday.

Heaven knows I am not the poster child for attentiveness. I work full-time, which means my children have other caregivers besides me that they rely upon. I write often so it’s not uncommon for them to see mom’s face buried in her laptop. I run on occasion so they’ve had to accept that exercise contributes to mom’s happiness.

However, I am also confident they know there isn’t anything I value more in life than them.

I’ve consciously chosen to put them first, over climbing the corporate ladder, ahead of my social life, and even before my husband when I think about it. Date nights get scheduled or they don’t happen in the midst of our kids’ activities.

cocktails by candlelight...errr...the glow of TVs

cocktails by candlelight…errr…the glow of TVs

The last drinks I shared with my spouse were more of a survival tactic than a pleasurable escape. We sipped them in between basketball games while eating dinner at a local sports bar. The romantic ambiance of blaring TVs was surpassed only by the chatter of overstimulated children.

The funny part is…I honestly wouldn’t want to live my life any other way.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to check out every now and then, throw my hands up in the air, and auction them all off to the highest bidder.

It simply means that chaos feels comfortable.

Knowing that my little girl wants to follow in my footsteps is humbling to say the least. I have a feeling I will want to follow her lead too.

I just hope she doesn’t leave me in the dust as she heads off to conquer the world.

Created by Heidi Woodard