Waves of grief and gratitude have crashed down on me over the last several days. Yet I looked into her eyes and I knew she understood and that we would both be ok.
Like every soul-shaking loss I’ve endured in life, I just need time. Time does not heal, but it helps soften the blow…a little bit…day by day.
I’m normally frustrated by my mind. I have an awful memory. But in times like this, I need to wrap myself up in my natural tendency to forget the details over time like it’s a security blanket protecting me from painful flashbacks for which I am not prepared.
Trying to stop the tears proves as futile as trying to hold onto her forever.
Sixteen years. I was blessed to have my pug, Murphy, in my life…and in my family’s life…for 16 whole years. She started off with just me and Ryan. Throughout the course of her lifetime, she gained a brotha-from-anotha-mother canine companion named Eightball (who passed away on June 3, 2010 and now waits for me on this side of the Rainbow Bridge) as well as two human brothers (now 14 and 12 years old) and a human sister (now 7 years old).
My kids have never known life without her. Hell, it’s hard for ME to remember life without her…and even harder to imagine life moving forward without her.
It is clear to me that my heart has a tendency to latch onto and love those who snore the loudest: My grandma Peterson, Murphy, and Ryan.
(I’m doing my best to remember to laugh.)
She was not in pain. She simply had finished her journey here. She was tired. I am a lot to take care of, after all.
Dogs love with every bone in their body. I know they’re not for everyone and I never try to convince a non-dog person that they should change their mind. What I will say is “think of something in your life that you love so much that it’s incomparable to anything else.” That’s how my dogs have made me feel over the years. I couldn’t ever fully pay back their love, but I tried.
I could rehash 1,000 stories about Murphy, but I feel like pictures reveal more than any words ever could.
My best friend is gone. But not forgotten. And I have to believe that one day I will see her again.
October 4, 1999 – March 1, 2016
Written by Heidi Woodard
maternalmedia 
Ahh!!! Heidi I am so saddened to hear of the loss of Murphy. I heard stories too that I feel like I knew him too!
Thanks JoAnn. Baseball season won’t be the same without having her to take with me to a few of the games. Granted, I could only really take her to the 60-some degree games…since anything cooler than that was too cold and anything warmer than that was too hot. She was spoiled after all. 🙂
Oh Heidi,
I am so sorry for your loss! You amd your family were good humans to Murphy. Time will heal this heartbreak…time and cake.
You are right. Time and cake do wonders for the soul. Thanks.
I can’t seem to quit crying and I never even met Murphy. I have a Maltese that I know I will have to say goodbye to (or vice versa – you never know) and we just said Good bye to my daughter’s Sheltie on the 20th Feb. Perhaps that is still too fresh in my mind, but I know you have a heart of goodness and kindness and Murphy was one loved dog.
Part of the reason I wrote this is because I figured there was a pretty good chance others are having to deal with the same kind of loss as we are. Thank you for reading and commenting.
A beautiful tribute to a beautiful pug and I hope the memories you hold in your heart make the pain of losing her easier to bear. We’re sending you pug hugs ❤ x
Thank you. Hugo and Holly are adorable. Loved looking at your blog. Will start to follow. I really need to continue to see those smiling pug faces. 🙂
A couple of years ago I lost my wonderful Arabian. He lived in a field at my home for almost 37 years! I never imagined I could have a pet for that long. He was born on March “Forth,” and he lived it too. He was happy and active till his last day. I was able to be with him as he passed with my hand on his head.
Thanks, Dr. J, for reading and commenting. What a beautiful and free-spirited friend you had. May we all be so lucky to be happy and active until our final day. Glad you took this video of him. Makes me happy to watch.