Admitting to my kids I have no idea what I’m doing

January 21, 2014

Your mom loves you. That is one assurance you should never ever doubt.

Even when I’m shouting at you. You should consider my out of control rants as me just having a hard time controlling my overflowing fondness of you. Actually, I yell at you because you sort of drive me completely and totally insane at times.

Jaycee winter walk

Jaycee winter walk

But, even during our most trying times together, I am happier with you next to me than I ever am without you.

I know you look to me and your dad for guidance and you probably question whether or not we know what we’re doing.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: we don’t.

Ready to conquer the world...starting with grade school

Ready to conquer the world…starting with grade school

You likely wonder if we even know what it feels like to be your age. Honestly, I can’t remember how it feels to not have grownup responsibilities. Don’t take that statement the wrong way. I know you have a lot on your mind too. My preoccupations are simply different than yours.

I know that my parents were/are always there for me and so I’m trying to do the same for you. I feel like I can talk to you about anything and my ultimate wish is that you always feel the same way about me.

If I get only one thing right on this parenting journey, make it be that you know you can come to me with whatever’s on your mind both now and forever.

Your memories make me smile

Your memories make me smile

Your dad and I both work to save up money for living expenses, extracurricular activities, vacationing, college tuition, and ideally, retirement. After working many years doing what I thought was right in terms of career pathing, I decided to find work that was more right for me…for us.

That decision was difficult for me, but I was tired of being tired around you.

Even though there will always be people who show up to the office before I do and those who will stay well after I leave, I still feel guilty for not being with you for nine of your waking hours. But at least now I can explain to you why I do what I do and feel like you get it.

I don't want to miss a moment of you growing up

I don’t want to miss a moment of you growing up

No longer do you need me to tend to your every need. To constantly wipe away your tears or bandage your scraped knees. You just need me to be a role model.

There will be times when I fall short of that massive responsibility. There will be times when the table is turned and I look to you for inspiration. There will be times when your dad and I will sit back, look at each other, and have a mutual and profound pride for what we brought into this world together.

Know that we are trying to ace a test for which there is no study guide. We’re searching for treasure without the aid of a map.

We’re no experts. We simply love you. Always.

Written by Heidi Woodard

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6 responses to Admitting to my kids I have no idea what I’m doing

  1. 

    I love that post!! Well said.

  2. 

    This was lovely, and heartfelt. I love when you write about parenting, and I respect your values as much as your ideas. Wonderful.

    That said, “parenting journey”…?

    Okay, maybe it’s just me, but I’m sticking with, parenting grind.

    A good parent never says, “you’re the reason daddy drinks”. He may think it, but he never says it.

    All’s well that ends well, yes…? 🙂

    • 

      Growing up a perfectionist, I would become frustrated any time something did not intuitively come to me. Apply that to parenting, and the result is that I am frustrated 360 days out of the year. You are right that it is a grind. But, much like exercise, it’s something worth struggling through at times. And other times, well other times I simply want to say “naaahh, I’ll pass today.”

  3. 

    I love this post. I still have no clue what I am doing as a parent. I always trust my instincts and listen to my gut when it comes to dealing with my kids. I really think kids were given to us to teach us things about life. I love my kids but they too drive me insane and crazy from time to time. Especially, when they do dumb things like the salt and ice challenge (FYI, its on my blog if you haven’t heard of it before).