Good in theory

October 18, 2012

My grand idea to bond with my boy has practically killed me.

I don’t have a lot of opportunities to spend significant amounts of time with each of my children independently. When you have three kids, you tend to divide and conquer. And by “divide,” I mean I always end up with two and my husband one.

So when I was given a “Speed Camp” flyer that advertised a once-a-week-for-seven-weeks workout to both children and adults alike, I thought to myself, “Now HERE’S something I can do with Austin (my middle child).” He’s not a complainer and loves spending time with anyone who enjoys his company. I knew I needed to get in better shape and that he would benefit from the extra conditioning as we head into basketball season.

I filled out the flyer, wrote out the check, and walked blindly into the light.

The light that would become my death.

We have officially completed two sessions. Five remaining.

As the time ticked down on our second session, I did something I swore I would never do: I stopped working out before the workout was scheduled to be over. Because I didn’t want a gym full of kids to see me puke or faint.

I don’t think you understand how painfully embarrassing that is to a washed-up former athlete who prides herself on her overall health. To be fair, I donated blood less than 24 hours before the workout.

So when my son gave me a smug little smile once the rest of the group completed the full session, I announced, “I saved a life.”

Oh yes I did. I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t let all of my competition know how weak I was.

Bonding over buttered popcorn at the movies would have been a better choice in hindsight.

Created by Heidi Woodard

4 responses to Good in theory


    Ha! I am better than you again! Not only do I clearly excel at golf, but I definitely have YET to give up on a workout. Well, when I I workout which is not often to say the least. I did however take my beer belly havin’ behind to the gym a couple weeks ago and completed a twenty five minute spin class. Let me tell you, I wanted to get off my bike and punch the lady in the face on more than one occasion, and I would have! Except in my clear inexperience I realized that every time I tried to quit the peddles don’t stop, so it’s either fall off that tiny piece of hell they call a bike or keep that ass cheek burning workout moving. I chose the latter, and I promise you I will never do it again! Had to throw that twenty cents in boooooooooo-ya! Official score is…Cousin Heidi-eight million and seven! Cousin Jen-2 (but its the best two in the whole freaking world!)


    I can’t help but laugh at “I saved a life.” What a way to save face. 🙂